Top 10 Most Bizarre Captain America Products You Never Knew Existed

Captain America has a long and storied history as a comic book character. From his first days of punching Hitler in the jaw to the upcoming feature film being released July 22 (which is actually his fourth movie… see below for more on that), Cap has gone through many changes over the years. Naturally, this has led to some truly bizarre memorabilia being created in his name. To commemorate the movie and celebrate the Captain himself, we’ve gathered 10 such whacky items here for you to scoff at and perhaps even enjoy.

Captain America: The First Avenger

 

Captain America CologneCaptain America Cologne
The true fans of Cap don’t just want to look like him or act like him, they want to smell like him. And now you, too, can smell like the Star Spangled Avenger with this Eau de Toilette from Marvel. What does it smell like, you ask? Quite simply, it smells of Freedom.

 

Captain America Pimp SteinCaptain America Pimp Stein
After socking it to Hitler, ol’ Cap used to love relaxing with Tony Stark’s ladies and drinking from this Pimp Stein from Spencer’s. Rumor has it that Cap prefers to fill his cup with either Crystal or this version of Captain America Super Soldier Serum.

 

 

 

Captain America Sassy Deluxe Adult CostumeCaptain America Sassy Deluxe Adult Costume
Did you ever wonder if there was some way that Captain America could be a woman so that your dreams of making out with him would be more socially acceptable? Uh, no, of course not… we never did either. Well, we’re not sure if sassy is the best word to describe this costume, but the fact that it’s an officially-licensed costume makes this cosplay fantasy legit.

 

Captain America Red Skull MaskCaptain America Red Skull Mask
Cap’s biggest foe, the Red Skull, looks pretty creepy in the comics. But the store-bought masks could never pull off the whole red cranium/scar tissue thing… until now. This Red Skull mask is crazy looking (especially with that guy’s hair exploding from behind it) and sure to scare the life out of all the little Captain Americas running around your neighborhood this Halloween.

 

Captain America Classic ThongCaptain America Classic Thong
There’s nothing too bizarre about buying a Captain America thong for your ladyfriend, is there? Well, maybe there is when for some unknown reason Captain America has turned into a pug dog as he is on this thong. Just how is that “classic”?


 

Original Captain America Movie (1990)Captain America TV Movies (1979) & Original Movie (1990)
You’ve got your tickets for the new movie already, but did you know this is actually the fourth Captain America movie ever made? Try and get your hands on the previous three and you’ll see why they fit in the “bizarre” category. The first two Cap movies were both made-for-TV in 1979. They feature Cap on a motorcycle and a hang glider. Seriously. Then, in 1990, Cap made his straight-to-video debut in a film that features an Italian Red Skull and a costume with fake ears glued to the sides. Amazingly, Twentieth Century Fox’s “manufacturing on demand” program is re-releasing this movie on DVD July 19th!

 

Build Your Own Build Your Own “Captain America” Chopper
Now that you know Captain America rides a motorcycle, we know you’re going to want one too. Even though you may not be able to get the Motorcycle from the 1990 Cap movie or the made-for-TV movies before it, for a little under $5,000, Paughco, the provider of many parts used on the original “Captain America” bike that Peter Fonda rode in the film Easy Rider, will provide you with the pieces for building an exact reproduction of the historic chopper. Get yourself a sidecar and your friend Bucky can come along, too!

 

Captain America the BandCaptain America the Band
Few people are aware that Captain America went grunge in the early 1990s. Captain America (the band) existed briefly between 1991 and 1992, just long enough for Marvel Comics to hear about the group and shut the name down (the band changed its name to Eugenius). But it’s completely true to say that Captain America joined Nirvana on tour in 1991 and released a single called “Flame On.” Check Ebay or your local used record store for their CD single.

 

Captain America Tokidoki T-shirts & HatsCaptain America Tokidoki T-shirts & Hats
Tokidoki (“sometimes” in Japanese) is the Japanese-inspired lifestyle brand created in 2005 by Italian artist Simone Legno. What that doesn’t tell you is that Legno has some very bizarre takes on what Captain America does in his spare time. For instance, there’s a t-shirt of the First Avenger walking a pink dog-thing and dreaming about anthropomorphic food. Or Cap on a couch with his feet up on his shield eating a hot dog and watching a baseball game (actually, that one might be true). This is definitely Captain America as you’ve never seen him.

 

Dimitri Drjuchin's Dimitri Drjuchin’s “Saint Captain America” Painting
Forget buying original artwork from the comic books. How about getting some honest-to-goodness original art for a mere $600? Moskow-born Dimitri Drjuchin paints a really bizarre interpretation of Cap in his “Saint Captain America” featuring a weeping hero with wings and halo. (His interpretation of “Saint RoboCop” is strangely wonderful, too.) With this on your wall, you’ll broaden your horizons and impress your artsy hipster friends!

 

5 thoughts on “Top 10 Most Bizarre Captain America Products You Never Knew Existed

  1. Okay now, some of us are just old enough to remember the Captain America bike ridden by a very young Peter Fonda. That was a cool movie too. But to have one of my own??? Way cool! (You need the Pimp Cup)
    Nice piece, Andrew.

  2. I really enjoyed this movie (and it has nothing to do with the fact that Chris Evans is the cutest superhero I’ve seen in a long time. Honest!)

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